The Not So Rough Guide to Gay Tilburg
This is the Not So Rough Guide To Gay Tilburg. Also known asthe Tilburg Prime-Time Poofter Tour to ZXZW. Let’s kick off with a story
Once upon a time there was an wicked witch.
Right, right. Let’s cut the doodah and be specific. The yearwas 1977 and the witches name was Anita Bryant a.k.a. the Wicked Witch of theWest. That’s what the good & gay people of the Netherlands thought, anyway.Why? Because Anita had a sparkling idea. She wanted to save the children ofDade County, Florida. How? By promoting discrimination on the basis of sexualorientation. Why? The former pop singer, Miss America runnerup & orangejuice saleswoman made the following statements during her campaign: “As amother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children;therefore, they must recruit OUR children.” And: “If gays are granted rights,next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St.Bernards and to nail biters.”
Can’t argue with reason.
Long story short: in 1977 gay people all over the world tooka stand against the wicked witch from the Sunshine State. Dutch prominentssigned a petition. It was published in Time Magazine. In order to pay for thecostly advertisement a benefit concert was held. Performers and musiciansparticipated. Amongst them De Zangeres Zonder Naam (The Female SingerWithout a Name). De Zangeres Zonder Naam is a singer in the kitschytorch song department. In fact her songs are likely to burn down any venue. Shesang ‘Luister Anita’ (‘Listen up, Anita’). Whereas the other performers wereapplauded in a civilized manner, De Zangeres Zonder Naam made the(mainly gay) audience howl and holler for sheer joy. It prompted her to repeatthe cheesy song. All of it, as can be heard on the 1980’s album ‘MiamiNightmare’.
Merely a story. Just keep it in mind.
And yes, you’re right: this is supposed to be TPTPT 2 ZXZW.
So, without further ado, let’s hit the road. Pubs. There’sthree of them. Café De Wijn is located at 19 Stadhuisstraat. The clientele ismiddle-aged and favours a mix of old and new dance music, 40% prefers the songsto be Dutch-sung only. Hardly any young people in De Wijn.
Next to De Wijn you’ll find Café Rosé. It is known for itswarm, enjoyable and at times festive spirit, ‘blinking at the good old discodays’. Blinky-Winky. That’s the Teletubby with the handbag. The purple one. Oris it?
Both De Wijn and Café Rosé are run by lesbians and tend tobe slightly corny. But hey, it’s your party.
Young people attend the one and only gay dancing in town, DeLollipop. The clientele is predominantly young and favours a mix of old and newdance music, 40% prefers the songs to be Dutch-sung only. Yep, I made that oneup. Actually a cut and paste job; see above. However, it could be true. In gayslang a ‘Lollipop Stop’ is a highway rest stop used for cruising. Not inTilburg it is. In Tilburg it is more like a kindergarten. If you like em freshand untainted and you dig Frans Bauer and Gerard Joling, it’s quite okay.
Somebody (Foucault?) once said that homosexuality was merelyinvented to create a market for inferior products. How utterly rude. Of course,in the case of ZXZW this idea does not apply at all! Gays that visit ZXZW areblessed with good taste. The mere fact that they show up proves it. Becausethere’s no such thing as inferior music on ZXZW. And don’t let me catch anyoneLOL.
However, the marriage between homosexuality and popmusic isa queer one.
First of all, the fact that Styx-bassist Chuck Panozzo isgay does not mean the band Styx is gay, or even queer. As Queen is not bisexualbecause of Freddy M.’s bisexuality. And what is gay about the music ofselfconfessed dykes like Miss Etheridge & K.D. Lang, or showyout-of-closettees like Sylvester, Marc Almond & Boy George? They themselvesare (in one case: were) gay, even queer. One can refer to their act as gay, oreven queer. But in the end all this is about appearances, about labelling,fashions, trends. Not about music. What is gay about a chord, a rhythm, a song?
Still, music itself can be queer, in the broader sense ofdeveloping strategies and tactics for resisting assimilation of any kind. Ithas little or nothing to do with sexual identity. We would have to talk aboutZappa instead of Gordon, Hasil Adkins instead of Gerard Joling. Most gays don’tlike Zappa. Or Adkins.
Yet the twain will meet, every now and then. Mostly whenhomosexuality is the explicit theme of a song, through the lyrics. A greatexample from The Netherlands are Tedje & de Flikkers (Teddie And TheFaggots), a bunch of rioting poofters. Check out their site. Formed at the end of theseventies their intense and often hilarious lyrics dealt with gay related themes.Tedje & de Flikkers are denied access to the one and only reliableguide to Dutch punk, ‘Het gejuich was massaal’ (Jerry Goossens & JeroenVedder, 1996).
Quite literary the twain meet in Jayne County. Jayne (formerWayne, but ‘man enough to be a woman’) County has made the story of her lifethe subject of her art. This results in paintings with titles like: ‘Penis TreeFreak Out’ and ‘Penis Cross Crucifixion’. Visit Jayne’s site.
Let’s talk business again. This article is not meant to bean essay on queer music. Back also to TPTPT 2 ZXZW. Jayne’s penises do come inhandy, though, building the perfect bridge to the next subject: how to get ridof your jizz in Tilburg?
ZXZW refused to create a darkroom. For the third year in arow, imagine. They’re nice blokes, really, just inconsiderate.
Then again: we do have a sauna! Victory! Sauna Victory islocated at 284 Bosscheweg. Pay € 11 and join the steamy dudes from12.00-24.00h. There is a cruising area, movies are shown and best of all: theturbo sunbed. Even you can look good at ZXZW! Around the corner, located at 160Bosscheweg, you’ll find the animal shelter. In case somebody wants to hump aSt. Bernard.
There are parks too. Business in the Wilhelminapark is slownowadays. Youngsters on their way home might wanna have a wank. After closingtime, that is. Don’t count on it, though. Better come prepared. Try Gay Tilburg.
Brabant is a province with loads and loads of parks andparking places. There’s one for every wanker. Check out ‘Hét Banenoverzicht’, click on‘Noord-Brabant’ in the column on the left side of the page.
Well, that’s pretty much it. Would you believe there’s adude in Tilburg who looks just like Judas Priests Rob Halford, including thegayish goatee? Bald heads and goatees are favoured leather queen items. If ithappens to be your lucky ZXZW-night you just might meet him. And get home withhim. Sniff some poppers. And dance to his ABBA albums. Yes, ma’am! You doremember that story, don’t cha?
by Nick J. Swarth
5038 XZ Tilburg
Tel: 013- 5363029
Café De Wijn
5038 XZ Tilburg
Tel: 013- 5445118
Café De Lollipop
5038 WD Tilburg
Tel: 013- 5355238
5013 AC Tilburg
Tel: 013- 4684343
Hardcore and punk webzine Asice highlighted the more punk- and hardcore program of ZXZW. And also interviewed Frank. Check it here.
Lords of Metal
Lords of Metal made their own metalguide for ZXZW. Check it here.