By: Wouter Jaspers

Tilburg is a rough city. A lot of junkies, hookers, dealers, gambling in the streets and some real ghetto action. Tilburg has his own Bloods en Cribs chapter and when you’re alone in a dark backstreet, always watch your back. Sounds good, right? For the real underground people who want to see the dark side of the city, the trash side, follow this tour and get inspired. This tour will lead you to the hardcore tittybars, afterclubs, hook-up spots, illegal booze sellers and some true junkie hangouts.

First stop of this sacred tour is the number one hotspot for naked women: “De Nacht” (1). It’s the only Titty bar in the city-centre of Tilburg and it is a good one. We know that because the women always dance in the streets during carnival, which is also a good period to meet drunk women, eh, whatever. Something very special in this place is that you can buy spraycans of whippedcream, and lick it of their bodies… Sound erotic, right? “De Nacht” means “The Night,” so you’d better go there during the night, as you might understand, it’s much more crowded then, a lot of pimp figures hangin’ around. Good luck with checking out those silicon’s!

Next stop is “Zino” (2), a well-known place to go to when all the other clubsare closed (The Titty bar closes at 6 AM my friends). And we all know what that means! A lot of people on E., chicks on alcohol and a dj who thinks he’s the man because he plays the loudest hardstyle records 'till noon. Still a goodplace to go to when you want to party and just don’t give a shit on what kind of music.

“The Spoorlaan parking lot” (3) is a cool place to hang out when you are already high on whatever and want to catch some more of the magic. It’s also a good spot to go when you are looking for someone to fight to after visiting Zino. Yeah people, this is Tilburg reality. When you are all bruised by gabba beat-ups or still high on E., go to “’t Eindpunt” (4), the ultimate snack experience and the only place where you can get some cheap hard liquor after the supermarkets are closed. Quite illegal off course, but hey! This is still an underground tour, so what the heck! They also got Döner Kebab at ‘t Eindpunt, so it’s also a good spot for a third world food experience! Real close is “Tilburg Central Station” (5), one of the three train stations of the city. Next to the station there is one of the main junkie hang-outs: the bike parking. That’s why you can also easily grab a bike over there, to be a part of the real Tilburg’ junkie folklore. So from Tilburg Station you can travel by bike!

Now you’re a part of the junkie folklore, you must check out the “Daklozenopvang” (6), a place where our beloved junkies are kept during the night. For insiders it’s also a good place to score some brown and white. The bushes in the surrounding area are a good spot to obtain some  needles or venereal diseases. Within just a three minute walk from the “Daklozenopvang” you will find “Het Wilhelminapark” (7), where you will find the red-light women, the hookers, crack whores and everything that’s connected to sex vs. drugs.  Don’t expect them to look good, they are just for instant pleasure. Ten euros will do, don’t forget to haggle over money! Be quick or be dead! If you fall in love with a woman at the Wilhelminapark you can track her down to the “Spermaflat” (8), where all the whores and junks and fucked up rock ‘n roll stars live. “Spermaflat” means in English “Sperm building”, so you can guess what happens in there. Watch out my friends, this is a tricky spot!

When your trashy friends in the Tilburg underground get too  aggressive we advise you to go to the “Samata Bar” (9) where you can easily obtain guns, stabbing devices and some white for chance.  When you are a Caucasian, you’d better skip this part of the tour, at Samata’s they might get the impression you’re a Narc.Yeah, that’s another word for Narcotics officer or like we would say in the Netherlands: “de flikken.” And as you can see, Samata’s is a rough place, they don’t like Narcs. The drinks there are cheap though. For less aggression but more alcohol you should go to the mighty “City Bar” (10) where only people over 40 hang out and drink too much. The coolest part of this place is the ancient look. This building doesn’t look like the fifties, it is from the fifties! And so are the bearded people on alcohol inside.

To end your tour on a cultural way, we from ZXZW will show you “McDonalds” (10). Maybe you’ve heard of it, they also got restaurants in some other cities, but none of those are as ugly as the one in Tilburg! Baby blue with too many windows and only ugly people inside. Yuk! Well, its just McDonalds, ban them!

This is the end of the tour. Thank you for checking out our beautiful city, when meet a guy who asks for 50 cent, please make a photo, he’s a celebrity!

The Route
De Nacht (1)
Zino (2)
Parkeerplaats Spoor (3)
Eindpunt  (4)
Station  (5)
Daklozenopvang (6)
Wilhelminapark (7)
Spermaflat (8)
Samatabar (9)
City Bar (10)
McDonalds (11)